My First Date Was When I Was 25?

Well, when my parents knew it was 25. But I definitely dated before that.

Growing up in a very traditional Filipino household, there was one rule that felt almost sacred: no dating until after you graduate university… and actually, after you’ve found a good job and are making really good money.

My parents were strict about it. They believed dating would pull me away from my studies and lead me down a path of distraction and missed opportunities. For them, academic success was the priority, and romance could wait. But the reality was… I didn’t wait.

Like many of my friends, I found ways to date in secret. Sure, my first official date was at 25, when my parents knew about it. But in truth, it happened long before then.

So is dating while still a student really that bad? Is the rule truly effective, or does it just make things more complicated?

The Argument for Waiting

Looking back, I get where my parents were coming from. They wanted me to focus on building my future, free from the distractions of romance. Relationships, especially as a teenager or young adult, can be emotionally consuming. They require a lot of time, effort, energy, and sometimes, even money – all of which could be spent on schoolwork, friendships, or self-discovery. So I can’t say they were entirely wrong to be protective.

There’s value in growing up without rushing into relationships, especially when you’re still trying to figure out who you are. Some of the biggest lessons I learned during that time were about myself, and not having to juggle a relationship made it easier to focus on my goals. In that sense, the rule did give me a certain level of freedom: the freedom to grow, to dream, to focus on myself, and to build a future at my own pace.

The Reality of Hiding

But then there’s the other side of the coin: I didn’t not date. I just learned how to hide it.

The more forbidden something feels, the more tempting it becomes, right? I kind of became a pro at keeping secrets, meeting boys at school where my parents wouldn’t suspect, and dodging questions with vague answers. And while sneaking around was part of the thrill, it also created a huge disconnect.

Because dating was so strictly off-limits, I never felt comfortable talking to my parents about it. I had to navigate those early relationships on my own, without any guidance. And instead of feeling like I could be open with my family, I built walls to protect my private life. Even when I was going through a painful breakup, feeling super sad, I couldn’t even talk to them about it.

Is the Rule Worth It?

So is the “no dating while still a student” rule really worth it?

I’m not so sure. On the surface, it makes sense: keep your head down, focus on school, and relationships can wait. But in practice, it just leads to more secrecy. The truth is, teenagers and young adults will find ways to date if they want to, whether it’s out in the open or hidden from view.

And maybe dating isn’t just a distraction. Maybe it’s also a part of growing up. It teaches you how to communicate, how to compromise, and how to understand your own boundaries. Those lessons, while messy at times, have been some of the most important I’ve learned, lessons that shaped me just as much, if not more, than anything I learned in a classroom.

Finding a Middle Ground

So what’s the solution? Maybe it’s time to rethink the whole “no dating” rule. Instead of forbidding it altogether, why not open up a conversation? Talk about balance. Talk about boundaries. Help kids understand how to manage their time and emotions without making them feel like they’re doing something wrong.

In my case, I wish I could have had those conversations with my parents. Instead of sneaking around and pretending I wasn’t dating, it would’ve been a relief to talk about it openly. And maybe, just maybe, I would have made fewer mistakes along the way.

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So what do you think? Is waiting to date until after graduation really the best rule? Or does it just push things into secrecy? Or maybe there’s a better way?

Let me know what you think — but don’t worry, I won’t tell your parents!